Are there no shadows where you are
I can see everything as day
Problems that you try to hide away
Pushing me aside
(You're pushing me aside)

Could the winter calm come twice
'Cause your heart seems so cold tonight
Thirst for substance somehow isn't right
It's killing me inside
(It's killing you inside)
You're killing me inside

I don't wanna be where you are
I don't wanna be here even now
I don't wanna be by your side
If something isn't right
If something isn't right

This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been

you know when you're looking forward to something, and you kinda have this idea in your head of how its gna go - you hold onto that thought until the moment arrives and just beforehand you're all tingly inside from excitement... well iv lost that.

I was sure that i would have that slight longing to be back home with friends and family for the entirety of my trip - that the memories of them would be what kept me going and even though id be enjoying myself here, wanting to go back would be what made me somewhat stronger?  But thats all changed.. I long to be in Greece or Spain.. I hate it when im rostered off work because i miss out on the activities the kids are doing, i miss having extra time with them.

I'm sad that I dont feel the same anymore..it kinda just hit me and even when I tried to think about it, its at the point where i dont even have clear memories to cling to, and everythings changing anyway. The way we party, have fun, talk, chillout... everything is changing and now that image in my head of me going home is like... ohshit... hi... yeh nice..

im a mixed bundle atm.. i dont feel 18 i feel like im hitting a midlife crisis haha. i wna be a manager by next yr.. thats gna be interesting.. a 19yr old manager.. but if its on qualifications and success - i should get it.  i feel like im running out of time. constantly im trying to take in everything. perhaps i really do need my friends right now for some grounding, its just hard to let them in when its near impossible to explain.